Darkness

I look around myself to discover the darkness that surrounds me
It traps me in its jaw and I discover myself filled with a sense of lose
I feel myself being pulled farther into this deep vast of nothingness
Not knowing what to do
I try to turn
To escape
My attempts are failed as I realize that there is no exit
No way out
Once in always in
Wondering hopelessly
Stumbling over myself
Lost
Longing for freedom
Wishing that it is nothing but a dream
Wishing and thinking are useless here
Wishing fills you with a sense of useless false hope
While thinking allows you to develop plans to make your wishes a reality
Only to have them crash around you
I decide not to allow this darkness, this beast, drag me in
I take a step forward
My face towards the unknown vast ahead
Will I survive?
These is no promise
I walk with fear in my heart
My whole body shaking
Is this my end?
Is this the last time I will walk?
Dream?
Think?
Wish?
Hope?
Breathe?
Step after step
One foot after the other
Until I find myself falling
Falling
Falling
Into the vast unknown

Scars

Scars are our life's story. They travel with us throughout life and are a reminder to us of our mistakes from previous days. The time you fell off your skateboard, the time you dropped the hair straightener on you leg, the time you were running and fell and scraped up your foot. Sometimes these scars can fade but the ones that do stay around are no problem to you at all. It is the internal scars that we should be worried about. These are the scars on our hearts. These are the scars that weigh us down. These are the scars that as soon as the wound starts to heal someone comes and rips of the scab. Over and Over and Over. Again. Again. Again. The wound eventually heals but leaves you with a scar that you know can and will be cut open again in the future. This is life. These are the scars. The Story. Your Past.

No Inspiration

I hate summer. Simple as that. The heat, the long days, the work. And on top of that no inspiration. Is seems that the sun has dried that up along with everything else. I am just so glad that this summer is almost over. Maybe my inspiration will come back.

Forever Here

You might not be here anymore but you will forever be in our hearts. You changed so many lives with your crazy personality and it is going to be so difficult for your friends next year without you. You changed my life, you showed me that it was okay to be you and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I will miss our constant fights, Joseph, and yearbook. Clay and Seth!!!! What am I going to do without you next year with Clay still in love with me!! What is going to happen if I get in another "fight"! It is going to be so different without you at school next year. You were a friend to many and we are all going to miss you!

P.S. Make sure you send pictures of your hot surfer!! See you at homecoming!

Sophmore Year

A collection of words from my journal throughout the past school year:

Of mice and men, perfect life, failure, guilt, boring weekends, presidential debate, homecoming, injuries, struggles, friends, trust, Striplin, newspaper articles, movies, beekeeping, teaching teachers, burning books, censorship, lies, hurt, tears, challenged, opinion, advice, rec park, bike ride, God, faith, baseball, "get over yourself", FSU game, water fight, Veteran's Day, terrible week, stressed, Savanna answering when John called, me and my day working things out, Chinese food, Oliver, Caroline and Alex, ugly hats, lalalala, SWAT, living waters, dentist history, riding the donkey, everything going okay, Thanksgiving, Romeo and Juliet skit, Jonas, Bethlehem, Mary, John, Joseph, people being butts, Kent, both alike, torn meniscus, coffee, HOBY, big heads, snob, different, biology, surgery on his knee, Christmas caroling, ugly Christmas tree, 1st night in a week I didn't talk to him, 4:51 a.m. was when my life fell apart, 2 hours, funny picture, stories, 100 cooliest people ever, paper balls, tubing, asked me out!!, fights, hit me in the eye, neat dream, teasing, quiz, winter jam, book clubs, free read, Racket Ball, hurt my arm, 3 weeks, PERV, Fulford Rd., surprises, Valentine's day, Science Fair, Parents, not good enough, work all day, grounded, study, baseball, strange music, shrimp etufee, after youth, Master Beekeeper Program, winning, spring break, report cards, relay for life, Liz being stupid, The heart is a lonely hunter, isolation, poverty, confusion, quote, The Great Gatsby, attitude, 3- 6 months left, timeline......

Over For Now

It is hard to believe that this school year is all over. From all the drama, fights, break-ups and stress I am thankful for this break. 10 weeks of relaxing fun. I don't have deadlines, papers (unless you count summer reading), or homework to deal with. I can avoid the friends that have become a nuisance by simply saying I am busy and can not hang out. This school year by far has been one of the worse but it went by the fastest. All I can say is.....SUMMER!!!

To My Friend

I would give you an arm or leg. Take a bullet for you and think nothing about it. You were the one I could talk to...or I thought. Your lack of trust is hurtful, hateful. You show me the same amount of trust you show an enemy. Maybe you have a problem with trust, I don't know. No matter what the problem is I am your friend. I would think that I should be the one with the trust problems but no I trust you like a sister, but I feel that you don't trust me back. You read stuff that was never intended for your eyes. You thirst for knowledge that isn't for you. I give you an arm and you want a leg. I give you my trust and you take it without looking back. I am not asking for anything in return but trust, trust, trust and you refuse to give.