Scars

Scars are our life's story. They travel with us throughout life and are a reminder to us of our mistakes from previous days. The time you fell off your skateboard, the time you dropped the hair straightener on you leg, the time you were running and fell and scraped up your foot. Sometimes these scars can fade but the ones that do stay around are no problem to you at all. It is the internal scars that we should be worried about. These are the scars on our hearts. These are the scars that weigh us down. These are the scars that as soon as the wound starts to heal someone comes and rips of the scab. Over and Over and Over. Again. Again. Again. The wound eventually heals but leaves you with a scar that you know can and will be cut open again in the future. This is life. These are the scars. The Story. Your Past.

No Inspiration

I hate summer. Simple as that. The heat, the long days, the work. And on top of that no inspiration. Is seems that the sun has dried that up along with everything else. I am just so glad that this summer is almost over. Maybe my inspiration will come back.

Forever Here

You might not be here anymore but you will forever be in our hearts. You changed so many lives with your crazy personality and it is going to be so difficult for your friends next year without you. You changed my life, you showed me that it was okay to be you and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I will miss our constant fights, Joseph, and yearbook. Clay and Seth!!!! What am I going to do without you next year with Clay still in love with me!! What is going to happen if I get in another "fight"! It is going to be so different without you at school next year. You were a friend to many and we are all going to miss you!

P.S. Make sure you send pictures of your hot surfer!! See you at homecoming!

Sophmore Year

A collection of words from my journal throughout the past school year:

Of mice and men, perfect life, failure, guilt, boring weekends, presidential debate, homecoming, injuries, struggles, friends, trust, Striplin, newspaper articles, movies, beekeeping, teaching teachers, burning books, censorship, lies, hurt, tears, challenged, opinion, advice, rec park, bike ride, God, faith, baseball, "get over yourself", FSU game, water fight, Veteran's Day, terrible week, stressed, Savanna answering when John called, me and my day working things out, Chinese food, Oliver, Caroline and Alex, ugly hats, lalalala, SWAT, living waters, dentist history, riding the donkey, everything going okay, Thanksgiving, Romeo and Juliet skit, Jonas, Bethlehem, Mary, John, Joseph, people being butts, Kent, both alike, torn meniscus, coffee, HOBY, big heads, snob, different, biology, surgery on his knee, Christmas caroling, ugly Christmas tree, 1st night in a week I didn't talk to him, 4:51 a.m. was when my life fell apart, 2 hours, funny picture, stories, 100 cooliest people ever, paper balls, tubing, asked me out!!, fights, hit me in the eye, neat dream, teasing, quiz, winter jam, book clubs, free read, Racket Ball, hurt my arm, 3 weeks, PERV, Fulford Rd., surprises, Valentine's day, Science Fair, Parents, not good enough, work all day, grounded, study, baseball, strange music, shrimp etufee, after youth, Master Beekeeper Program, winning, spring break, report cards, relay for life, Liz being stupid, The heart is a lonely hunter, isolation, poverty, confusion, quote, The Great Gatsby, attitude, 3- 6 months left, timeline......

Over For Now

It is hard to believe that this school year is all over. From all the drama, fights, break-ups and stress I am thankful for this break. 10 weeks of relaxing fun. I don't have deadlines, papers (unless you count summer reading), or homework to deal with. I can avoid the friends that have become a nuisance by simply saying I am busy and can not hang out. This school year by far has been one of the worse but it went by the fastest. All I can say is.....SUMMER!!!

To My Friend

I would give you an arm or leg. Take a bullet for you and think nothing about it. You were the one I could talk to...or I thought. Your lack of trust is hurtful, hateful. You show me the same amount of trust you show an enemy. Maybe you have a problem with trust, I don't know. No matter what the problem is I am your friend. I would think that I should be the one with the trust problems but no I trust you like a sister, but I feel that you don't trust me back. You read stuff that was never intended for your eyes. You thirst for knowledge that isn't for you. I give you an arm and you want a leg. I give you my trust and you take it without looking back. I am not asking for anything in return but trust, trust, trust and you refuse to give.

Goodbye Dreams

This is a feeling I have never felt before...Hopeless. For once this constant dreamer's dreams have stopped, her mind is no longer exploring the depths of the earth. She is lost. I tried to ignore this approaching feeling for several months, hoping it would go away. That look cut all my hope tonight...those shouts and yells. I am gone. I can do my best tomorrow and put on the fake smile I am so use to nowadays and act like nothing is wrong, I have become an expert at that. You will never know what you have done. When I look in the mirror I see a failure because of you. I am tired of it, tired of trying to hold on to my daydreams while you slowly yanked them away. I know that now I have to be the perfect person...I don't want to be because those are the people I can't stand but what else can I do. My dreams are gone and all I can do is pray and hope they come back to me one day. Goodbye dreams, I hope to see you someday soon!

Looking Up....

An Empty Nest

Just a couple of days ago the birds were hatched into this cruel and ugly world. They never had a chance to make it, to survive. They are gone. They will never grow older, learn to fly, and have a life exploring yards and the endless sky. There mother abandoned them just like I thought she had. What can I say, once again I was right, maybe people should start listening to me.

Writen Within These Pages

My English Paper about "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch.

Voice and tone are two very important aspects to any well written work of literature. If the voice and tone are weak and depressing the piece of work can be ruined. If the voice and tone is strong, however, it can become one of the great works of art that we know today, for example Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. In “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch, the voice and tone throughout the book is hopeful and entertaining. He takes a situation where we usually can not help but to feel heavy hearted and uses dark humor to show us the positive.

In “The Last Lecture”, based off of his Last Lecture given at Carnegie Mellon University in 2007, Pausch describes how he found out he had 10 tumors in his liver and he had only three to six months left to live. He would be leaving behind his wife, Jai, and his 3 children. Shortly after receiving this news he was asked by Carnegie Mellon University to come and give a lecture, his last one. His wife Jai objected to this proposal saying he needed to spend his last months with his family and friends, not working on a lecture. Pausch decides however that giving this lecture is one thing he wants to do before he dies and he begins working on his lecture while spending time with his loved ones. 400 people showed up to hear his final speech, all whom were impacted by his courage and attitude.

He decided to write a book that goes along with his lecture so his children, when ready, can read it and know who there father was. His tone in this book could have been depressing and heart wrecking considering his situation but it was quite the opposite. His tone was humorous and entertaining throughout and it made an enjoyable and encouraging read on how we all should live life to the fullest. He made the hard to bear parts bearable, for example when him and his wife found out he had cancer. Before he got the results they spent a day at the water park and he told his wife “Even if the scan results are bad tomorrow, I just want you to know it feels great to be alive, and to be here today, alive with you. Whatever news we get about the scans, I’m not going to die when we hear it. I won’t die the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. So today, right now, well this is a wonderful day. And I want you to know how much I’m enjoying it.” (Pausch 62, 63) His love and his compassion for his wife are very evident throughout the book just through his tone alone. He thought about what he said at the water park the day before he got the news and he decided this was how he wanted to live his life.

“I’ve found that a substantial fraction of many people’s days is spent worrying about what was in other people’s heads, we’d all be thirty- three percent more effective in our lives and on our jobs. How did I come up with 33 percent? I’m a scientist. I like exact numbers, even if I can’t always prove them. So let’s just run with thirty three.” (Pausch 34) It is his form of thinking that makes this book enjoyable. He looks at everything with a different perspective that can be quite humorous at times. It makes an enjoyable read to see his different perspective on life and how he lives his life to the fullest.

July 25th, 2008 the amazing father, husband, professor, and writer lost his fight to cancer. He left behind his loved ones but not without something for them to remember him by. A book, “The Last Lecture”, is for his children when they get older so they can see who there father was. With his tone in the book it seems like he left a part of him within these pages. With his quick and funny humor there is no doubt that this will be a book that will be read for generations to come. We will continue to learn life’s lessons while being narrated by a voice that won’t be forgotten for all the years to come, Randy Pausch.

Update: Birds

Yesterday when I went to check on the birds things weren't good at all. I am still saying the mother abandoned them but my mother says otherwise so I am not allowed to help them. 2 of the 4 have died. Only 2 are left and I would be extremly suprised if they made it to the end of the week. They nest is covered in maggots and the smell is terrible. One can only hope they will pull through!!

New Life

The other day my mom asked me to take the ferns down on our porch because it looked like it might rain and I was very surprised to find a nest of little birds. They aren't the cutest yet but there mom and dad are beautiful and I can't wait to see what they look like in a couple of days/weeks. Make sure you check back to see how they are doing!!

I thought that they could possible have been abandoned by their mother yesterday because for a while she didn't come back. After a couple of hours though she came back thankfully. In this picture there are only 3 chicks but a fourth one hatched after this picture was taken.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

A collection of flowers, all taken within the past year.